The National Marriage Project
The National Marriage Project is a nonpartisan, nonsectarian and interdisciplinary initiative located at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. Each year, a report is issued on the heath of marriage in America.
In July of 2005, the report, ‘The State of Our Unions’ was issued and can be found on their web site – www.marriage.rutgers.edu
The following are extracted from the full report.
1. The marriage rate, the number of marriages per 1000 unmarried women, has dropped from 76.5 in 1970 to 39.9 in 2004.
2. The percentage of children under the age of 18 who live with both biological parents is 63 in the US, the lowest among Western industrialized nations.
3. In Sweden, virtually all couples live together before marriage, compared to two-thirds of couples currently in America.
4. Between 1960 and 2004, the number of unmarried couples in America increased by nearly 1200 percent. It is estimated that about a quarter of unmarried women age 25 to 39 are currently living with a partner and an additional quarter have lived with a partner at some time in the past.
5. Over half of all first marriages are now preceded by living together, compared to virtually none 50 years ago
6. While in 1960 only nine percent of all children lived in single-parent families, by 2004 thee percentage had jumped to 28%.
7. Since 1960, the percentage of babies born to unwed mothers has increased more than six fold. More than a third of all births and more than two-thirds of black births were out-of-wedlock.
8. An estimated 40 percent of all children are expected to spend some time in a cohabitating household during their growing up years.
9. Less than a third of the girls and only slightly more than a third of the boys (High School seniors in a survey) seem to believe that marriage is more beneficial to individuals than alternatives.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Evening Grace
Born, six years ago, Evening Grace, (Evie), celebrates her day and welcomes well wishes from all.
Happy Birthday ! Evie...
Love,
Grampie
Happy Birthday ! Evie...
Love,
Grampie
Monday, August 22, 2005
Narcissistic Personality Disorder ..NPD
Jon Krakauer, as he writes of the fundamentalist Mormons and their obsession with carrying out God’s revelation to them personally, describes the tragic murder of a woman and her child as the culmination of an individual’s acceptance of God’s will.
In ‘Under the Banner of Heaven’, Krakauer says that “ …Many people would also argue that virtually everyone who has introduced a new framework of religious beliefs to the world – from Jesus to Muhammad to Joseph Smith to Ron Lafferty – fits the diagnosis for narcissistic personality disorder. In the view of psychiatrists and psychologists, any individual who proclaims to be a prophet or guru – who claims to communicate with God – is almost by default, mentally or emotionally unbalanced to some degree…” P. 309.
In ‘Under the Banner of Heaven’, Krakauer says that “ …Many people would also argue that virtually everyone who has introduced a new framework of religious beliefs to the world – from Jesus to Muhammad to Joseph Smith to Ron Lafferty – fits the diagnosis for narcissistic personality disorder. In the view of psychiatrists and psychologists, any individual who proclaims to be a prophet or guru – who claims to communicate with God – is almost by default, mentally or emotionally unbalanced to some degree…” P. 309.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
And God said " ..."
Jon Krakauer wrote a memorable story of his encounter with nature and man on Mt. Everest with 'Into Thin Air'.
With 'Under the Banner of Heaven', his account of the history and the people of fundamentalist Mormonism, Krakauer has given us an insight into religion and God and man of great significance.
He begins the book with graphic detail of a murder akin to that of Truman Capote's 'In Cold Blood'.
Then, he gives us, the readers, the history of Mormonism and the split into fundamentalism.
For our age, and for the edification of all, this is a profound piece of writing.
More on this to come ....
With 'Under the Banner of Heaven', his account of the history and the people of fundamentalist Mormonism, Krakauer has given us an insight into religion and God and man of great significance.
He begins the book with graphic detail of a murder akin to that of Truman Capote's 'In Cold Blood'.
Then, he gives us, the readers, the history of Mormonism and the split into fundamentalism.
For our age, and for the edification of all, this is a profound piece of writing.
More on this to come ....
Monday, August 15, 2005
Ethics and Morality
“Quality of life versus sanctity of life…”
In ‘My Sister’s Keeper’, Jodi Picoult addresses some contemporary issues with the narrative account of family concerns over the life of one young daughter at the peril of another.
Ethics and morality are not the same – are they?
At the concluding stages of the book, the judge sitting for the court and the justice system offers this reflection.
“ …The answer is that there is no good answer. So as parents, as doctors, as judges, and as a society, we fumble, through and make decisions that allow us to sleep at night – because morals are more important than ethics, and love is more important than law…”
In ‘My Sister’s Keeper’, Jodi Picoult addresses some contemporary issues with the narrative account of family concerns over the life of one young daughter at the peril of another.
Ethics and morality are not the same – are they?
At the concluding stages of the book, the judge sitting for the court and the justice system offers this reflection.
“ …The answer is that there is no good answer. So as parents, as doctors, as judges, and as a society, we fumble, through and make decisions that allow us to sleep at night – because morals are more important than ethics, and love is more important than law…”
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Smashed ... Koren Zailckas
Reviving Ophelia Redux ..
Earlier this year, Koren Zailckas published her chronicle of the years she spent abusing alcohol. She started drinking just before starting high school. She stopped the abuse after graduation from college and her first year in the work place as a professional writer.
Her book, ‘Smashed’ is a forthright account of the allure of alcohol and the ways in which teens can hide from the difficult years.
As an aside to her tale, she writes of her relationship with her parents, keeping them out of the loop and keeping life in order.
Zailckas says that “ … I decide to tell a fraction of the truth. It will become something I will tell my parents for years in times of distress. I like to think of it as the-whole-truth and-nothing-but-the-truth’s second cousin; they may not share all the same physical characteristics, but there is no denying they’re related…” page 75.
This is an enormously detailed story of the other side of life that some teens enter into while traveling the high road of academic success and comportment. Zailckas attained success in school with grades and such but failed in the social maturation.
Earlier this year, Koren Zailckas published her chronicle of the years she spent abusing alcohol. She started drinking just before starting high school. She stopped the abuse after graduation from college and her first year in the work place as a professional writer.
Her book, ‘Smashed’ is a forthright account of the allure of alcohol and the ways in which teens can hide from the difficult years.
As an aside to her tale, she writes of her relationship with her parents, keeping them out of the loop and keeping life in order.
Zailckas says that “ … I decide to tell a fraction of the truth. It will become something I will tell my parents for years in times of distress. I like to think of it as the-whole-truth and-nothing-but-the-truth’s second cousin; they may not share all the same physical characteristics, but there is no denying they’re related…” page 75.
This is an enormously detailed story of the other side of life that some teens enter into while traveling the high road of academic success and comportment. Zailckas attained success in school with grades and such but failed in the social maturation.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Listening to the girls ...
Girls’ Wisdom
Here are some excrepts from Lisa Machoian's book "The Disappearing Girl".
Much of the material in Machoian’s book is derived from her interviews and therapy sessions with young women. The stories are anecdotal and narrated as told to her.
At the end, we have the opportunity to hear from some of the youngsters themselves. Machoian asked the girls for their comments and recommendations and ‘wisdom’.
Here are some examples.
Question: how do you know when someone is listening?
“They’re making eye contact, they’re not slouching of looking the other way or saying, ‘Excuse me for a minute I have to go do this,’ or ‘What did you say again? I didn’t hear you’. It’s giving full attention and asking you questions and returning your answers with questions and having comments for what you said. Not just ‘Yup, uh-huh, OK’.
“You know by the questions they ask and if they change anything as a result.”
Question: What do you want to tell parents?
“You’ve got to take them seriously. Be open. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand it from their perspective.”
“Make time, no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are making dinner or saving the world. Well, if you are doing that keep doing it. Make time no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are doing your own work. You have to put it down. Make time, because it will get worse and worse and worse.”
Question: What do you want to say to other teenagers who may be struggling?
“Talk to someone immediately. People do want to help you. And no matter who you are, you have a voice. And, sooner or later, someone will pay attention to you. You have to be out in the open about it and everything.”
Here are some excrepts from Lisa Machoian's book "The Disappearing Girl".
Much of the material in Machoian’s book is derived from her interviews and therapy sessions with young women. The stories are anecdotal and narrated as told to her.
At the end, we have the opportunity to hear from some of the youngsters themselves. Machoian asked the girls for their comments and recommendations and ‘wisdom’.
Here are some examples.
Question: how do you know when someone is listening?
“They’re making eye contact, they’re not slouching of looking the other way or saying, ‘Excuse me for a minute I have to go do this,’ or ‘What did you say again? I didn’t hear you’. It’s giving full attention and asking you questions and returning your answers with questions and having comments for what you said. Not just ‘Yup, uh-huh, OK’.
“You know by the questions they ask and if they change anything as a result.”
Question: What do you want to tell parents?
“You’ve got to take them seriously. Be open. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand it from their perspective.”
“Make time, no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are making dinner or saving the world. Well, if you are doing that keep doing it. Make time no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are doing your own work. You have to put it down. Make time, because it will get worse and worse and worse.”
Question: What do you want to say to other teenagers who may be struggling?
“Talk to someone immediately. People do want to help you. And no matter who you are, you have a voice. And, sooner or later, someone will pay attention to you. You have to be out in the open about it and everything.”
Thursday, August 04, 2005
The Environment for Teenagers ...
“Entering Dangerous Territory”
In chapter one, of ‘The Disappearing Girl’, Machoian establishes the context and environment within and around the young people she listens to and talks with.
Our society is ever changing in cultural moods and social pressures. Listen to Machoian.
“…As girls become teenagers, it’s as though they are suddenly hapless tourists in their own lives, dropped in a strange uncharted territory without a compass or a map. The whole experience of trying to meet the new demands of friends, school, and family can be confusing, and girls can lose a sense of who they really are. It’s not news that culture, peers, and social expectations play tremendous roles in the lives of teens. What is new is that the mass media are more seductive than ever; teenage millionaire celebrities are on magazine covers weekly; expensive designer labels attempt to define girls; technology provides new ways for teenagers to communicate – and be hurtful to one another; and the social pressure to engage in sexual behaviors is falling on younger and younger girls. We have known about these cultural pressures and stressors for decades, but they are becoming so intense that they are having an impact on the rate of depression in teenage girls. When the expectations and standards around them shift so quickly, girls don’t have the life experience to guide them on the way…” Page 1 and 2.
In chapter one, of ‘The Disappearing Girl’, Machoian establishes the context and environment within and around the young people she listens to and talks with.
Our society is ever changing in cultural moods and social pressures. Listen to Machoian.
“…As girls become teenagers, it’s as though they are suddenly hapless tourists in their own lives, dropped in a strange uncharted territory without a compass or a map. The whole experience of trying to meet the new demands of friends, school, and family can be confusing, and girls can lose a sense of who they really are. It’s not news that culture, peers, and social expectations play tremendous roles in the lives of teens. What is new is that the mass media are more seductive than ever; teenage millionaire celebrities are on magazine covers weekly; expensive designer labels attempt to define girls; technology provides new ways for teenagers to communicate – and be hurtful to one another; and the social pressure to engage in sexual behaviors is falling on younger and younger girls. We have known about these cultural pressures and stressors for decades, but they are becoming so intense that they are having an impact on the rate of depression in teenage girls. When the expectations and standards around them shift so quickly, girls don’t have the life experience to guide them on the way…” Page 1 and 2.
More on depression and our teen population
Depression: Real and deadly
Studies abound and survey data corroborate the findings that the impulse for suicide is real for teenagers. The Massachusetts Department of Education (in conjunction with the Center for Disease Control) has taken surveys of high school students over many years.
The data are consistent. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for these youngsters. Accidents are the leading cause. For all the concern we have for death from illness and accidents, what are our concerns for suicide and its causes?
Lisa Machoian addresses this directly in her book – “The Disappearing Girl”.
She says that “ …At the edge of adolescence, around age twelve, the rate of depression in girls rapidly rises, which stands in contrast to childhood, when boys outnumber girls in rates of depression. By age fifteen, girls with depression outnumber boys by a ratio of two to one, a statistic that mirrors the adult population. Some surveys report that teenage girls are seven times more apt to be depressed than teenage boys and two to ten times more likely to attempt suicide. Boys, though they attempt suicide less frequently, are more apt to kill themselves when they do attempt it. Surveys tell us that 25 percent or more of teenage girls report depression. Teenage girls report high rates of suicidal thinking, a common symptom of depression…Researchers found a peak in girls’ suicide attempts at ages thirteen and fourteen…” Page xix..
Studies abound and survey data corroborate the findings that the impulse for suicide is real for teenagers. The Massachusetts Department of Education (in conjunction with the Center for Disease Control) has taken surveys of high school students over many years.
The data are consistent. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for these youngsters. Accidents are the leading cause. For all the concern we have for death from illness and accidents, what are our concerns for suicide and its causes?
Lisa Machoian addresses this directly in her book – “The Disappearing Girl”.
She says that “ …At the edge of adolescence, around age twelve, the rate of depression in girls rapidly rises, which stands in contrast to childhood, when boys outnumber girls in rates of depression. By age fifteen, girls with depression outnumber boys by a ratio of two to one, a statistic that mirrors the adult population. Some surveys report that teenage girls are seven times more apt to be depressed than teenage boys and two to ten times more likely to attempt suicide. Boys, though they attempt suicide less frequently, are more apt to kill themselves when they do attempt it. Surveys tell us that 25 percent or more of teenage girls report depression. Teenage girls report high rates of suicidal thinking, a common symptom of depression…Researchers found a peak in girls’ suicide attempts at ages thirteen and fourteen…” Page xix..
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The World of Young Adults
In the literature on parenting and understanding the world of teens and young adults, there are plentiful books speaking to specific issues. Some texts deal with both genders; others treat just one gender.
Lisa Machoian is the author of "The Disappearing Girl:Learning the Language of Teenage Depression".
This is an extremely well written book with a cogent study of the pressures and concerns facing young women today.
For example, why do some kids abuse themselves- cutting or indulging in eating disorders?
Machoian quotes a girl who says that " ...OK; cutting gives me a reason for people to listen to me. But I don't think about it consciously; it's subsconscious. If I cut, I'm not saying,'Gee, I want them to talk to me.'"
... "When I feel like nobody cares, I cut myself because I think I'm not worth it, and then I take everything out on myself"... Page 32.
This is a book that parents and their children can both benefit from reading and discussing.
Lisa Machoian is the author of "The Disappearing Girl:Learning the Language of Teenage Depression".
This is an extremely well written book with a cogent study of the pressures and concerns facing young women today.
For example, why do some kids abuse themselves- cutting or indulging in eating disorders?
Machoian quotes a girl who says that " ...OK; cutting gives me a reason for people to listen to me. But I don't think about it consciously; it's subsconscious. If I cut, I'm not saying,'Gee, I want them to talk to me.'"
... "When I feel like nobody cares, I cut myself because I think I'm not worth it, and then I take everything out on myself"... Page 32.
This is a book that parents and their children can both benefit from reading and discussing.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Mary Magadalene ... a new biography
I just saw in another Blog, Amy Welborn, reference to a new biography on Mary Magadalene.
It's listed on Amazon as being available in November.. and written by Bruce Chilton.
I've read and enjoyed other books by Chilton and look forwrad to this new one.
It's listed on Amazon as being available in November.. and written by Bruce Chilton.
I've read and enjoyed other books by Chilton and look forwrad to this new one.
Interview possibility
I was in conversation with a local group of clergy and I mentioned the book - 'After the Apple'. One of the group remembered the book and thought she knew someone who knew the author.
I'll see if I can connect and do some in depth work on the writing and the work behind the book.
I'll see if I can connect and do some in depth work on the writing and the work behind the book.
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