Listening to the girls ...

Girls’ Wisdom

Here are some excrepts from Lisa Machoian's book "The Disappearing Girl".

Much of the material in Machoian’s book is derived from her interviews and therapy sessions with young women. The stories are anecdotal and narrated as told to her.

At the end, we have the opportunity to hear from some of the youngsters themselves. Machoian asked the girls for their comments and recommendations and ‘wisdom’.

Here are some examples.

Question: how do you know when someone is listening?
“They’re making eye contact, they’re not slouching of looking the other way or saying, ‘Excuse me for a minute I have to go do this,’ or ‘What did you say again? I didn’t hear you’. It’s giving full attention and asking you questions and returning your answers with questions and having comments for what you said. Not just ‘Yup, uh-huh, OK’.

“You know by the questions they ask and if they change anything as a result.”


Question: What do you want to tell parents?
“You’ve got to take them seriously. Be open. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand it from their perspective.”

“Make time, no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are making dinner or saving the world. Well, if you are doing that keep doing it. Make time no matter what you are doing. I don’t care if you are doing your own work. You have to put it down. Make time, because it will get worse and worse and worse.”

Question: What do you want to say to other teenagers who may be struggling?

“Talk to someone immediately. People do want to help you. And no matter who you are, you have a voice. And, sooner or later, someone will pay attention to you. You have to be out in the open about it and everything.”